I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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