So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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