If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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