you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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