I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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