i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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