Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize