my mouth tastes like poor choices
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize