Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize