she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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