I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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