Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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