Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize