you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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