I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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