Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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