dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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