can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
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Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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