thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize