im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you didnt know i had herpes?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
whose ass print is on the piano?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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