peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Alive.
So much puke
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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