she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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