My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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