my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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