between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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