I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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