This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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