Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mom said you looked used
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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