Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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