I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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