She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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