Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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