His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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