Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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