don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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