This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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