Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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