Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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