It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize