Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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