i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize