The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize