Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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