Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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