my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize