i don't plan on having that self control this summer
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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