I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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