my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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