I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize