Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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